2 Relationship Hacks

Ever seen one of those relationships where both people just 100% totally understand what the other person needs all the time, and both partners just effortlessly read minds and live in perfect harmony?

Me neither.

It’s hard to know what the healthy boundaries in relationships are.

The old myth goes that if you’re in love with the right person, everything will just feel “natural” and you’ll be so connected that you won’t have to discuss what is and isn’t appropriate.
But back on planet Earth, it’s probably likely that you have some different expectations, even if only a little.

For example:

+How much independence do you both need? i.e. if s/he wants to spend every night at your place, whereas you need some private time a couple of days a week.

+Behavioural boundaries: does s/he constantly show up late to things? How does s/he act with your friends? Does s/he flirt with other women in ways you consider inappropriate?

+Is s/he thoughtful and caring in the ways you need?

To be clear: it’s pretty unlikely you’re going to sit down and hash all of your expectations out when you first decide to date someone.

Maybe you’ll off-handedly mention some during your early dates, e.g. “I love being with someone, but I definitely value my time on my own some days as well”.

But in general, some boundaries in relationships won’t be made clear until they’re violated. That’s when it’s time to set your boundaries and make it clear what you expect in future.

When this happens, be very clear about exactly what bothered you.

++DON’T: go silent, ignore, call names, or make passive aggressive attacks toward your partner.

++DO: Take time to say how you feel about it. E.g. “When you arrive late all the time, it makes me feel like you don’t value my time, which then makes me feel angry. Could you please come on time in future? I don’t mind it once in a while, but when it keeps happening it becomes really frustrating…”

That way you’re communicating, (a) what you’re feeling, and (b) how s/he can change to solve the problem.

Be sure to join the new online group for Ladies looking to turn their lackluster relationships into the relationship of their dreams. There’ll be an opportunity to join me for weekly Q + A’s along with monthly webinars highlighting the ways you can start showing up as your best self in your loving relationship – so you can build the relationship you’ve always dreamed about with your amazing partner!

CLICK HERE to join for FREE today:

Don’t forget that I post tips, tricks, information, and even more resources on my Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, and YouTubepages – along with a Mindful Monday mini-series on the “Beyond the Couch” podcast so that you have an overflowing supply of tools to get you feeling like your best self in the life you want to celebrate!

Curious what I can offer you to help build the life you love? Get in touch!

Get access to more valuable content weekly here!

 

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LOVE Your Relationship!

Hey Ladies in Relationships and Their Biggest Supporters!

What if I told you that you can have your own support space to help you get the relationship you’ve always DREAMED about? That there is a place where you can heal from the lonely, monotonous, unfulfilling relationship cycles and SHINE in your true, HAPPY partnership where you feel loved, lifted, and CHERISHED by your partner?

In my practice every single day, I help women who struggle to show up and be fulfilled in their relationships to feel more connected to their partners by being a more whole version of themselves FOR their relationship to thrive! In fact, the strategies I share in this safe support space can help you feel like you show up again in your life by finding your connections to the meaningful people in your life who matter most – including YOU.

Over the years, I’ve helped countless women transform their relationships into sources of strength and delight to enrich their lives. I’ve felt so passionately about this being something every woman can attain that I have opened it to the greater community at large. And I want you to have the same opportunity!

This space can help you can change your life by giving you access to the love and value you want!

 

Learn how to go from feeling:

+lonely and alone in your relationship

+disconnected from your partner +like you’re making all the effort in your relationship – with no return

+drained, numb, and even unsure why you’re in this relationship

 

To feeling:

+confident in your partner’s feelings for you so you can feel valued and loved

+safe to ask for what you need so you can lean on your partner when you want

+ready to receive the affection, romance, and kindness that you’ve always wanted

+grateful and excited for the fulfilling relationship that enhances your already incredible life!

You will have the opportunity to join me for weekly Q + A’s along with monthly webinars highlighting the ways you can start showing up as your best self in your loving relationship – so you can build the relationship you’ve always dreamed about with your amazing partner! Get started today and share with us the ways that you want to love YOUR relationship!

CLICK HERE to join for FREE today!

Don’t forget that I post tips, tricks, information, and even more resources on my Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, and YouTube pages – along with a Mindful Monday mini-series on the “Beyond the Couch” podcast so that you have an overflowing supply of tools to get you feeling like your best self in the life you want to celebrate!

Curious what I can offer you to help build the life you love? Get in touch!

Get access to more valuable content weekly here!

Mindfulness with 5 Senses

One of the aims of my Mindfulness Matters group is to provide people with accessible, fool proof tools to help them ground in the present moment so that they can eradicate the inner critic, paralyzing self judgments, and gain the sense of empowerment they need to make the best choices about how to react to what pops up in their lives. Today, I wanted to share one of these tools with you. This is a quick and relatively easy exercise to bring us into a mindful state quickly. If you only have a minute or two or, for whatever reason, you don’t have the time or tools to try a body scan, this five senses exercise can help you bring awareness to the current moment in a short amount of time.

Use this exercise to quickly ground yourself in the present when you only have a moment. The goal is to notice something that you are currently experiencing through each of your senses. Begin by making sure you are seated or lying comfortably enough that you can relax, yet still upright enough that you can focus on the following questions. As you go through this set of questions, allow yourself to become immersed in each experience before moving on to the next question.

What are 5 things you can see?

What are 4 things you can feel?

What are 3 things you can hear?

What are 2 things you can smell?

What is 1 thing you can taste?

The numbers for each sense are only a guideline. Feel free to do more or less of each – remember to make modifications with Mindful awareness. You can also listen to a guided audio version of this exercise with my “Beyond the Couch” podcast episode easily. 

I would love to hear how this went for you! Be sure to share with us in our social media communities listed below so we can celebrate with you!

Facebook: www.facebook.com/drsallynazari

Twitter: www.twitter.com/chrysalisdoc

 

Curious what I can offer you to help build the life you love? Get in touch!

Get access to more valuable content weekly here!

 

Assert Yourself – And Enhance Your Relationships

I recently connected with Dr. Julie Hanks for the “Beyond the Couch” podcast to talk about assertiveness tips. Dr. Hanks is a licensed clinical social worker and psychotherapist specializing in women’s emotional health and relationships. She is the founder and director of Wasatch Family Therapy, author of The Burnout Cure and The Assertiveness Guide for Women, a blogger, a local and national media contributor, an online mental health influencer, a life coach and a private practice consultant, and an award-winning performing songwriter. To learn more visit DrJulieHanks.com or connect with @drjuliehanks on social media.

Dr. Hanks and I discussed the ways that our relationships can actually be strengthened with assertiveness so that we can go on to connect in more loving, fulfilled ways with our loved ones. She shared three top tips for asserting ourselves in relationships:

1) Before you can be assertive ask yourself these four questions about the situation:

  • What do I think?
  • What do I feel?
  • What do I want?
  • What do I need?

2) OSCAR Assertiveness Tool

  • O – Observe the Situation
  • S – Sort Thoughts and Feelings
  • C – Compassionately communicate
  • A – Ask Clarifying Questions
  • R – Request Directly

3) When Communicating Choose the “Lantern Stance”

There are three communication stances: doormat (passive), sword (aggressive or passive aggressive), and the lantern.Imagine yourself standing with your feet shoulder width apart, centered and balanced, holding up a lantern as high as you can reach illuminating the situation. Envision yourself standing up straight, feeling strong and not easily swayed. Imagine inviting the person you are interacting with to step into the lantern’s light with you and ask this person to describe his or her experience and perspective.

Dr. Hanks explains that many people fear that asserting their needs will jeopardize their relationships. She goes on to describe how the five steps in asserting ourselves actually serve to improve our relationships with our loved ones.

You can access a free chapter of Dr. Hanks’ Assertiveness Guide for Women at assertivenessguide.com.

You can also listen to our discussion here. Be sure to let me know what you discovered as you tried these tips.

Curious what I can offer you to help build the life you celebrate? Get in touch!

Get access to more valuable content weekly here!

 

Do You Have an Inner Critic Berating You?

Give Yourself Permission to Show Up Fully In Your Life!

In my practice, I see many people in the office who struggle with depression and low self-esteem who also want to get “perfect” work evaluations and be liked by everyone.

They have the idea that keeping up the image of perfection on the outside will give them the validation and praise they need to feel good on the inside. But what happens is that this positive acknowledgement is being poured into a leaky cup.

And it’s never enough.

And the very concept of relying on outside sources to fuel inner confidence becomes dangerous because then any perceived criticism or rejection becomes one hundred times more harmful.

And then they start to feel like they’re falling apart.

You CAN quiet your inner critic!

One of the first tasks we work on in my Mindfulness groups is showing participants how to recognize their self-judgments and inner critic. I use concrete and creative techniques to teach members how to recognize these judgements as a story they’ve been telling themselves that’s untrue and unhelpful.

Then, we work on practical skills to challenge these judgements and rewrite the story as a more accurate and empowered one to create confidence and improve self-esteem so that they leave the office feeling better about themselves than when they walked through the door.

And they’ve let someone see behind the mask and help them, which is critical to the healing process.

How can you begin to notice and shift judgments to improve self-esteem?

There are three steps to helping improve your confidence by practicing a non-judgemental stance:

Notice self-judgments. Gently point out to yourself that statement like “I’m a failure” or “I’m an imposter” is a judgment and not a fact. Perhaps ask yourself: “Is that true or is it a judgment?” Just notice it and let it go. Don’t judge yourself for judging – this is a natural thing and you are learning how to change it.

Encourage yourself to track judgments. In my Mindfulness groups, we use a “judgment jar” and move a marble into the jar anytime we notice ourselves or each other using a judgment. Invite yourself and perhaps even your loved ones to count or track judgments to recognize how much they are coming up for you during the day. The very act of noticing is promoting Mindfulness and will automatically help you shift from judgemental to more aware and compassionate.

Restate your judgments in a factual way. When you evaluate people, emotions, or things as good or bad, restate them as facts when you repeat them back to yourself. For example, if you say “She looked so ridiculous at work today,” you might rephrase this as “She had a different style than I do.” Describe what you see without placing opinions or emotions in the observations.

Learning to take a look at ourselves and tune into our inner critic and learning how to be non-judgemental CAN be hard. And it takes time to learn how to be self-compassionate.

Start practicing today and begin to build up your non-judgemental and self-compassionate muscles because they are SO worth it… and you will believe that too! It is one of the reasons we begin this skill so early in our Mindfulness groups!

P.S. Groups are an amazing way to lean how to express oursevles and understand that we are not alone. The Mindfulness Matters Group will run on Tuesdays from 5:30pm t0 6:30pm beginning on July 11th and running through September 26th.

If this group looks like a good fit for you, contact me for more details.

Curious what I can offer you to help build the life you love? Get in touch!

Get access to more valuable content weekly here!

Understanding PTSD

For many  people, PTSD, or posttraumatic stress disorder, is a daily struggle. In fact, this is true for one out of every nine women. For others, it might be something that a loved one struggles with. Still, a great deal of people have a bit of unclarity as to what PTSD entails. The video above gives an overview of the common features we see in PTSD.

What did you learn in watching this video? Share your thoughts and reactions in our Facebook and Twitter communities!

Curious what I can offer you to help build the life you love? Get in touch!  

Connect with me to see what support I can offer!

Subscribe to my mailing list to get more valuable content weekly here!

“Beyond the Couch” Is Live!

It’s here!

Today, the “Beyond the Couch” podcast is live! I have been waiting with so much excitement to share this with you and the day has arrived!

You can listen to the first few episodes directly here or on my website. You can also listen on SoundCloud, Stitcher, and YouTube:

Be on the lookout for special announcement about how to listen, subscribe, rate, and review in iTunes in the coming days!

In the meantime, tune in to these episodes and get ready for the next on one on Thursday!

 

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