How Can You Connect More In Your Relationships?

Relationships can be some of the most incredible experiences of our lives. They can also be hard.

You want to feel connected to your partner, but it feels like there is a wall up between the two of you.

You want to understand your partner, but sometimes it feels like you’re speaking two different languages.

You have the same argument again and again. You can predict exactly how it will go, yet can never come to a resolution.

You may be facing a crisis, like infidelity, in your relationship and you’re trying to figure out if you even want to stay.

Maybe you find yourself listening to your partner, but focusing more on what you want to say next. And maybe you find yourself holding back on what you want to say out of a fear that it will cause a bigger issue.

One of the most important skills in relationships is effective communication. We may not ordinarily have trouble communicating and exchanging ideas or information with our partner, but find that when difficult situations come up, we can’t seem to get on the same page.

Most of us are guilty of these mistakes. In fact, these kinds of communication challenges can sometimes become so ingrained that many of us don’t even notice when we’re guilty of them. However, the consequences of ineffective communication take a toll. Feeling unheard can lead to resentment, frustration, and pain.

I want to point out that, sometimes, the best communication will still end with the acknowledgment: “We disagree.” But that’s OK‐it’s far better than the alternative: “I’m right, and you’re wrong.”

The ability to express your own ideas effectively is only half of what it takes to be a good communicator. Listening is the second half. This means more than simply hearing words. It means hearing, thinking, interpreting, and striving to understand. If we’re thinking about the next thing we want to say, we aren’t really listening. We’re just hearing.

Reflections are a powerful tool to improve communication between you and your partner. Using a technique called reflection can quickly help you become a better listener. When reflecting, you will repeat back what your partner has just said to you in your own words. Those who haven’t used reflections fear that it’ll seem like they’re just parroting the other person without contributing to the conversation. However, reflections typically result in a positive response.

Those who haven’t used reflections fear that it’ll seem like they’re just parroting the other person without contributing to the conversation. However, reflections typically result in a positive response.

So, what do reflections actually do? They act as confirmation that we heard, and more importantly, understand, what our partner has said. Reflections validate a person’s feelings by showing that we get it.

Often, a concern I hear is that it might seem like a reflection would kill a conversation ‐ there’s no new question to answer. Paradoxically, though, the opposite is generally true. Reflections encourage more sharing because our partner can trust that we are listening.

Learning to use reflections does take practice. As you first begin to practice it’s typical for reflections to feel a bit forced. But if you implement reflections regularly, they’ll quickly start to feel natural once you and your partner begin to notice how helpful the responses are. Oh, and start with less serious or neutral topics, at least in the beginning!

Curious what I can offer you to help build the life you love? Get in touch!

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LAST CALL: Mindful Mondays Enrollment Closing!

You may be finding yourself feeling a bit overwhelmed and run-down. You might be having a hard time catching your breath and feel rushed from one thing to the next without a moment to slow your racing mind down. There are tools and strategies to help you focus, find your footing again, and even feel the relief in your body and mind.

I have been so excited about bringing back the Mindful Monday 8 session series! We recently had a brief glimpse into Mindfulness with our Mindfulness Matters 5 Day Challenge + 3 Bonus Days where people joined us from seven US states and four countries! In fact, people have shared with me that they are revisiting the challenge yet again on their own! Several people have also requested that I run the challenge again, too!

The exciting news is that we can broaden this practice in our Mindful Monday 8 session series! Our last round of the series brought so much benefit to our community. Here are some of the comments from group members:

“It was a really nice way to get myself into the mindset for a productive and calm week.”

“I learned so much about my body and mind and how my feelings showed up around them from these groups.”

“Sharing this with the others in the group made it a more deep experience for me. I gained a lot from each of the other people!”

This is one of my favorite practices and I am so thrilled about bringing it back to help people who are feeling stressed, unfocused, and overwhelmed get back on track.

Mindfulness offers so many benefits and ways of enhancing our lives – from Mindful eating to improving our mood, focusing, and increasing our productivity to building better relationships, this practice brings with it so many opportunities to deepen the experiences in your life. Learn a bit more in my interview with Rockland World Radio’s “Connections with Deborah Turner.”

I will be closing enrollment for this group on Saturday, April 1st. If you’re ready to get information on how this series can benefit your life, just click below for more access.

Don’t forget to read more about this exciting group at Inner Realm magazine.

“Beyond the Couch” Is Live!

It’s here!

Today, the “Beyond the Couch” podcast is live! I have been waiting with so much excitement to share this with you and the day has arrived!

You can listen to the first few episodes directly here or on my website. You can also listen on SoundCloud, Stitcher, and YouTube:

Be on the lookout for special announcement about how to listen, subscribe, rate, and review in iTunes in the coming days!

In the meantime, tune in to these episodes and get ready for the next on one on Thursday!

 

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Exciting News!

I am making an announcement today that I am very excited to share with you. I have been working on a new project to help share valuable resources, tips, information, and content for many people across the world to more effectively redefine their lives, get rid of pain and fear that holds them back, and create a life they look forward to celebrating.

Recently, I was invited to speak as a guest on a local radio show. Following that, I received an outpouring of questions and contact requests from a large number of people. It was then that I realized I could contribute to the efforts of a greater number of people looking to transform their lives with the help of technology.

Over the last few months, I have worked hard to set up a foundation for a podcast with the theme of redefining ourselves and recreating our lives. Along the way, we will look at effective tools, practical tips, accessible resources, community supports, and eye-opening insights to help cultivate the life that we want to live and celebrate.

I will be broadcasting on Mondays and Thursdays for the first few months to help spread the word to anyone who can benefit. After this initial  In addition, I will be interviewing a number of guests as well as looking at other resources to share the best, most accessible, and most effective tools for listeners along their journey of transformation.

The most exciting part of this announcement for me is that this will all begin very soon! I am scheduled to launch on March 20th! I would love to help get the word out over the next few weeks to make sure people have access to this information.

If you’d like to join me in this endeavor, I’d love to have you! You can easily jump onboard here! Sign on and let’s get you to the front of the line in access!

I look forward to getting started on this journey together!

 

 

Make Your Goals SMART

Last week, we discussed the value of habits in shaping the landscape of our lives. More specifically, we explored the significance of deliberate, mindful habit building to enrich our lives. 

One key element in creating and building habits that work for us is to ensure we have clear goals that will target the changes we want to see in our lives. Bringing deliberate, intentional awareness to defining and outlining our goals can help us structure them in ways that set us up for success.
In other words, we mindfully create goals that are SMART:


SPECIFIC (simple, sensible, significant)
MEASURABLE (meaningful, motivating)
ATTAINABLE (agreed, attainable)
RELEVANT (reasonable, realistic, and resourced)
TIME-BOUND (time-based, time limited, timely, time-sensitive)


Setting SMART goals means you can clarify your ideas, focus your efforts, use your time and resources productively, and increase your chances of achieving what you want in life. We could consider that goals are part of every aspect of life: how we conduct our relationships, what ou want to achieve at work, the way we use our spare time… Everything comes down to priorities, and what we would like to accomplish in every aspect. We can, therefore, turn our mindful attention toward setting goals that are geared toward building the habits we want to impact our lives and vice versa. Without setting goals or objectives, life becomes a series of chaotic happenings we don’t control. we become the plaything of coincidence. 

SMART is an effective tool that provides the clarity, focus and motivation we need to achieve our goals. It can also improve our ability to reach them by encouraging us to define your objectives and set a completion date. SMART goals are also easy to use by anyone, anywhere, without the need for specialist tools or training.

Not only does SMART goal setting bring structure and trackability into our goals and objectives, it also creates verifiable trajectories towards a certain objective. Every goal or objective, from intermediary step to overarching objective, can be made S.M.A.R.T. and as such, brought closer to reality.

Consider the ways in which you would like to change the landscape of your life in the next six months. Then, apply your SMART principles and redefine your goal with awareness and nonjudgmental openness.

How SMART are your goals? Share with us in our Facebook and Twitter communities so we can inspire each other! 

Want more ways to embed Mindful practice into transforming your life? Enrollment is now open for the  Mindful Monday group – Apply here

Curious what I can offer you to help build the life you love? Get in touch!  

Connect with me to see what support I can offer!

Subscribe to my mailing list to get more valuable content weekly here!

Mindful Monday: Enrollment Now Open!

You may be finding yourself feeling a bit overwhelmed and run-down. You might be having a hard time catching your breath and feel rushed from one thing to the next without a moment to slow your racing mind down. There are tools and strategies to help you focus, find your footing again, and even feel the relief in your body and mind.

I am so excited to bring back the Mindful Monday 8 session series! We just had a brief glimpse into Mindfulness with our Mindfulness Matters 5 Day Challenge + 3 Bonus Days where people joined us from seven US states and four countries! In fact, people have shared with me that they are revisiting the challenge yet again on their own!

The exciting news is that we can broaden this practice in our Mindful Monday 8 session series! Our last round of the series brought so much benefit to our community. Here are some of the comments from group members:

“It was a really nice way to get myself into the mindset for a productive and calm week.”

“I learned so much about my body and mind and how my feelings showed up around them from these groups.”

“Sharing this with the others in the group made it a more deep experience for me. I gained a lot from each of the other people!”

This is one of my favorite practices and I am so thrilled about bringing it back to help people who are feeling stressed, unfocused, and overwhelmed get back on track.

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Mindfulness offers so many benefits and ways of enhancing our lives – from Mindful eating to improving our mood, focusing, and increasing our productivity to building better relationships, this practice brings with it so many opportunities to deepen the experiences in your life. Learn a bit more in my interview with Rockland World Radio’s “Connections with Deborah Turner.”

Wondering how this series can benefit your life? Contact me to learn little more about how Mindful Monday can help you. And be sure to try a little sample!

Subscribe to my mailing list to get more valuable content weekly here!

Enrich Your Partnerships – 3 Tips for Mindful Relationships, PART 2

Last week, I provided an overview of how Mindfulness within relationships can help to enhance your connections. Today, I wanted to delve a bit more deeply into how this awareness of ourselves impacts our interactions with others.

The American Psychological Institute published a study conducted over 30 years that concludes that couples engaging in Mindful relationships experience greater physical, emotional and spiritual intimacy together. Instead of competition, aggression, codependence, and passive- aggression, Mindful couples experienced higher levels of harmony, personal and professional satisfaction and deeper, more stable levels of intimacy.

An awareness of our needs, responses, insecurities, and attractions is what allows intimacy and love to occur without repeating unwanted, unintentional patterns. Recognition of these patterns makes it possible to stop being carried by their momentum and instead begin making choices about the type of relationship we want to have.

With some practice, we can introduce foundational elements of Mindfulness into our relationships. A crucial element in implementing these exercises is to simply take an observational stance and notice rather than critique or evaluate. If we catch ourselves pulled toward this critiquing judgment, we can reset our observational stance by simply noticing the shift, letting it be, and return ourselves to simply noticing.

In the final portion of this three part series, I will give you 3 practical tips to build your Mindful presence with your loved ones and enhance your relationships. In the meantime, I’d love to hear your thoughts! Share with us in our Facebook and Twitter communities!

Subscribe to my mailing list to get more valuable content weekly here!

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