2 Relationship Hacks

Ever seen one of those relationships where both people just 100% totally understand what the other person needs all the time, and both partners just effortlessly read minds and live in perfect harmony?

Me neither.

It’s hard to know what the healthy boundaries in relationships are.

The old myth goes that if you’re in love with the right person, everything will just feel “natural” and you’ll be so connected that you won’t have to discuss what is and isn’t appropriate.
But back on planet Earth, it’s probably likely that you have some different expectations, even if only a little.

For example:

+How much independence do you both need? i.e. if s/he wants to spend every night at your place, whereas you need some private time a couple of days a week.

+Behavioural boundaries: does s/he constantly show up late to things? How does s/he act with your friends? Does s/he flirt with other women in ways you consider inappropriate?

+Is s/he thoughtful and caring in the ways you need?

To be clear: it’s pretty unlikely you’re going to sit down and hash all of your expectations out when you first decide to date someone.

Maybe you’ll off-handedly mention some during your early dates, e.g. “I love being with someone, but I definitely value my time on my own some days as well”.

But in general, some boundaries in relationships won’t be made clear until they’re violated. That’s when it’s time to set your boundaries and make it clear what you expect in future.

When this happens, be very clear about exactly what bothered you.

++DON’T: go silent, ignore, call names, or make passive aggressive attacks toward your partner.

++DO: Take time to say how you feel about it. E.g. “When you arrive late all the time, it makes me feel like you don’t value my time, which then makes me feel angry. Could you please come on time in future? I don’t mind it once in a while, but when it keeps happening it becomes really frustrating…”

That way you’re communicating, (a) what you’re feeling, and (b) how s/he can change to solve the problem.

Be sure to join the new online group for Ladies looking to turn their lackluster relationships into the relationship of their dreams. There’ll be an opportunity to join me for weekly Q + A’s along with monthly webinars highlighting the ways you can start showing up as your best self in your loving relationship – so you can build the relationship you’ve always dreamed about with your amazing partner!

CLICK HERE to join for FREE today:

Don’t forget that I post tips, tricks, information, and even more resources on my Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, and YouTubepages – along with a Mindful Monday mini-series on the “Beyond the Couch” podcast so that you have an overflowing supply of tools to get you feeling like your best self in the life you want to celebrate!

Curious what I can offer you to help build the life you love? Get in touch!

Get access to more valuable content weekly here!

 

[Last Call] Mindfulness Matters 1 Day Workshop Enrollment CLOSING!

You’ve heard the buzz. You’ve thought about getting started. You’ve run through the ways that this can be of benefit for you in your life. Then you remind yourself that you have a hard time pulling the trigger and making decisions!

And the irony is that Mindfulness actually helps us gain clarity so that we can make decisions with ease!

So this last call for enrollment in the upcoming Mindfulness Matters Workshop is dedicated to your indecisive, fence-sitting streak.

Mindfulness brings with it a number of benefits I have mentioned before – and one of the benefits includes noticing what we are experiencing so that we can make choices about what will serve our needs in the best way.

If you have any questions, now is your opportunity to ask them – I will be closing registration in just two hours and I don’t want you to miss out on this opportunity to help you reach your best self – so click reply and ask away or just go ahead and click HERE to get started on the next steps for registration.

Just tune in to yourself to see if you are following a mindless habit of indecision or if you really do have hesitations or questions that I can address with you. I would hate for you to miss out on something that can be of benefit for you based on a habit when I can instead be a support for you in making a shift to help you get to your goals!

Don’t forget that I post tips, tricks, information, and even more resources on my Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, and YouTube pages – along with a Mindful Monday mini-series on the “Beyond the Couch” podcast so that you have an overflowing supply of tools to get you feeling like your best self in the life you want to celebrate!

Curious what I can offer you to help build the life you love? Get in touch!

Get access to more valuable content weekly here!

Mindfulness Matters 1 Day Workshop – Enrollment Closes Today!

It’s another Mindful Monday today! For many of us, we start the week off with a groan or dread while also berating ourself for not enjoying every minute that we have. Today though is an opportunity to take a different approach and try one small thing to make a shift!

That opportunity can be just shifting gears to welcome the day or it can be doing a quick, three minute Mindfulness practice – a quick three minute breathing space, a body scan, or even a LovingKindess practice!

No matter what you chose, the fact that you are giving yourself a different pathway will bring with it gains! In fact, making these small yet powerful and efficient shifts are a big focal point of the Mindfulness Matters one day workshop!

Some of the gains that Mindfulness Matters group participants have had in the past include:

+greater self awareness physically and emotionally,

+quieting the inner critical voice

+navigating emotional rollercoasters more easily

+deepening relationships with loved ones.

I will be closing enrollment THIS afternoon at 4pm and wanted to make sure that you didn’t miss out on participating if you wanted to before that deadline.

I’m also excited about running my Mindfulness events – but this one in particular has me very excited because it will be jam-packed with information, skills, practice together, and a follow up “recap email” with all of what we learned so that you have a lifetime refresher in your inbox! That way, you can really turbocharge your life!

Click HERE *now* so you don’t miss the deadline for enrollment.

Don’t forget that I post tips, tricks, information, and even more resources on my Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, and YouTube pages – along with a Mindful Monday mini-series on the “Beyond the Couch” podcast so that you have an overflowing supply of tools to get you feeling like your best self in the life you want to celebrate!

Curious what I can offer you to help build the life you love? Get in touch!

Get access to more valuable content weekly here!

Mindfulness Matters 1 Day Workshop Enrollment Closing!

If you have ever said…
I can’t focus or think straight
I can’t seem to figure out what I want
Everyone judges me
I’m not good enough

HELP GET CLARITY AND SHOW UP POWERFULLY IN YOUR LIFE!

This two hour workshop will provide you with the skills to…

+ Notice the here and now experiences even when you are overwhelmed and unsettled so that you can participate in the parts of your life that are meaningful

+ Engage in activities even when you’re feeling scared or insecure so that you can lead a fulfilling life and feel happy

+ Stop comparing yourself to others and learn to feel fully comfortable in your own skin

+ Quiet your self-critical voice and learn to love yourself for exactly who you are

Participation is by application ONLY with registration closing at 4pm on Monday – Space is limited to ensure that everyone has a meaningful experience.

To reserve your spot, get in touch and let’s talk about how this workshop can help you:

+Gain greater self awareness physically and emotionally

+Quiet the inner critical voice

+Navigate emotional rollercoasters more easily

+Deepen relationships with loved ones.

I’m very excited about kicking off this workshop and look forward to sharing it with you so that y ou can really turbocharge your life! Get in touch *now* so you don’t miss the deadline for enrollment.

Don’t forget that I post tips, tricks, information, and even more resources on my Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, and YouTube pages – along with a Mindful Monday mini-series on the “Beyond the Couch” podcast so that you have an overflowing supply of tools to get you feeling like your best self in the life you want to celebrate!

Curious what I can offer you to help build the life you love? Get in touch!

Get access to more valuable content weekly here!

Sleep Soundly!

Most of the people I work with loooooove a good nap after or to sleep in on days off, but daylight savings time has thrown a wrench in even the healthiest of sleep schedules!

Use the following rules of thumb to help you and your teen find a healthy sleep routine:

• Create a sleep routine that begins at least 1 hour before going to bed. Just like when we were getting into a routine for our day to day lives as youngsters, we need time to relax and transition to sleep. A sleep routine should consist of relaxing activities that cue the mind and body for sleep. Deep breathing, muscle relaxation, and Mindfulness work well in a sleep routine.

• Establish consistent sleep and wake times. Avoid using the “snooze” button on your alarm clock… it seems impossible, but it can be done!

• The bed should be for sleeping only. Wakeful activities in bed confuse the mind and body, and the bed no longer becomes a cue for sleep and rest. This means homework, FaceTime with friends and Netflix require another comfy space in the home.

• Create a relaxing environment. Comfy blankets and pillows will help create the conditions for sleep. Be mindful of how light and temperature impact your comfort too.

• Avoid heavy meals and spicy foods before bedtime.

• Avoid any stimulation before bedtime, including arguments or conflict, vigorous activity, or anything else that is likely to activate your mind and body.

• Get exercise during the daytime.

• If you are unable to sleep after 20 minutes, get up and do something boring and/or relaxing until you are sleepy and ready to return to bed. Don’t just lie in bed with your mind racing for hours!

A good sleep routine leads to a more positive overall mood AND it’s a great way for both you and your teen to feel a sense of power over your own emotional health.

What sleep rules did you come up with to help you get your best night of rest this week? Hit reply and share with me!

Don’t forget that I post tips, tricks, information, and even more resources on my Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, and YouTube pages – along with a Mindful Monday mini-series on the “Beyond the Couch” podcast so that you have an overflowing supply of tools to get you feeling like your best self in the life you want to celebrate!

Curious what I can offer you to help build the life you love? Get in touch!

Get access to more valuable content weekly here!

Learning to Love Ourselves

Self-compassion is a powerful tool you can use to improve your well-being, self confidence and resilience. Many find it easy to have compassion for others but struggle in applying this same kindness to themselves. By taking moments throughout your day to pause and practice self compassion, you can gradually increase this quality and make it a more regular habit in your life. My “Beyond the Couch” podcast interview with Dr. Ellis Edmunds highlights some of the key ways that we can begin practicing this so that it can become an everyday as pet of our lives.

Here is one way you can get started:

• When you find yourself stressed out in a difficult situation, take a moment to pause.
• Reach up and touch your heart, or give yourself a hug if you are comfortable with that.
• Take a few deep breaths.
• Acknowledge that you are suffering and see if you can treat yourself with as much kindness as you would a dear friend or child who was struggling.
• Offer yourself phrases of compassion, first by acknowledging your suffering:
  • “This is suffering.” or “This is really painful/difficult right now.” or “Wow, I am really suffering right now!”
  • “Suffering is a part of being human.”
  • For the final phrase(s), choose whatever is most appropriate for your situation. Feel free to use any of the following phrases or create your own:
  • May I hold myself with compassion.
  • May I love and accept myself just as I am.
  • May I experience peace.
  • May I remember to treat myself with love and kindness.
  • May I open to my experience just as it is.
  • Return to your daily activities, intentionally carrying an attitude of self-compassion and acceptance to your day.

What did you discover in tuning in to yourself so that you can bring more self compassion into your experience? Hit reply and share with me!

NOTE:

I have been asked to extend a second slot for the Mindfulness Matters group where I explore this skill in DEPTH over 8 sessions!

Space is limited to ensure that everyone in the group feels heard and has a meaningful experience.

Register for a screening here: http://www.subscribepage.com/mindfulnessmattersgroup

I will be CLOSING the cart on registrations in just a few days so be sure to claim your seat before I do!

Don’t forget that I post tips, tricks, information, and even more resources on my Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, and YouTube pages – along with a Mindful Monday mini-series on the “Beyond the Couch” podcast so that you have an overflowing supply of tools to get you feeling like your best self in the life you want to celebrate!

Comment below and tell me how your experience with greater awareness went!

Curious what I can offer you to help build the life you love? Get in touch!

Get access to more valuable content weekly here!

Take Hold of Your Overwhelming Emotions!

Sometimes, we have intense emotions that are difficult to manage, such as anger, shame, depression, or anxiety. Difficulties controlling these emotions often lead to problematic behaviors that affect us and those around us. Problematic behaviors are often ineffective solutions to intensely painful emotions. We then find ourselves in a never-ending cycle of feeling overwhelmed by intense emotions and wanting to shut our feelings out completely.

Instead of this turbulent, emotional merry-go-round, we CAN learn to tame our emotions and take hold of them so that we can keep showing up fully in our lives and connect with the people and experiences that matter to us.

“Emotions” isn’t a dirty word – in fact, emotions offer us a lot of valuable information. Emotions provide us with a signal that something is happening so we can check out the facts. It’s a problem when we treat emotions as if THEY are the facts about the world. For example: “If I am afraid, there must be a threat,” or “I love him, so he must be good for me.” We need to be mindful that emotions are not facts. Therefore, it is important to check the facts about the situation – and our Mindful awareness of our emotions give us the signal to go ahead and check on the facts.

They also motivate and prepare us for action. The action urge connected to specific emotions is often “hardwired.” For example, when we hear a loud horn beep suddenly, we startle. Emotions save time in getting us to act in important situations. Our nervous system activates us (e.g., we instantly jump out of the way of an oncoming car). We don’t have to think everything through. Strong emotions can help us overcome obstacles— in our mind and in the environment.

Yet, sometimes, we take action without working through the facts and it doesn’t always turn out in our favor.

One of the favored topics in the Mindfulness Matters group focuses on learning to understand the emotions we experience so that we can identify, observe, and describe our emotions in order to know what they do for us. That way, we can uncover whether they are working for us or hindering us from getting what we want in this moment.

We go on to discover ways to reduce our emotional vulnerability to and stopping unwanted emotions in the beginning stages so we can let go of painful emotions when they start and increase positive emotions! This way, we can reduce our emotional suffering.

P.S. We go through these skills in more depth through a 8 session group in Mindfulness Matters!

Space is limited to ensure that everyone in the group feels heard and has a meaningful experience.

Register for a screening here: http://www.subscribepage.com/mindfulnessmattersgroup

I will be CLOSING the cart on registrations in just 10 days on February 16th so be sure to claim your seat!

Don’t forget that I post tips, tricks, information, and even more resources on my Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, and YouTube pages – along with a Mindful Monday mini-series on the “Beyond the Couch” podcast so that you have an overflowing supply of tools to get you feeling like your best self in the life you want to celebrate!

Comment below and tell me how you took hold of your overwhelming emotions!

Curious what I can offer you to help build the life you love? Get in touch!

Get access to more valuable content weekly here!

“Beyond the Couch” Season 2 Kickoff!

I’m really excited today to kick off “Beyond the Couch” podcast‘s second Season! We had such great episodes last season where we highlighted some of the ways that you can get back on track after difficult, painful, and even scary experiences so that you could recreate joy, freedom, and happiness to build a life that you want to celebrate.

I wanted to ensure that, as we continue with Season 2, we keep highlighting tips, tricks, practical resources, and insights from topic experts so that you can put the pieces together to create that life that you want to celebrate.

One of last season’s highlights include our Mindful Monday series – which I’m really looking forward to continuing and expanding upon in our second season! This season we will also introduce gratitude as a key factor in Mindfulness.

As we focus on celebrating you in your amazing life, I wanted to highlight a few triumphs. Many of you contacted me to share the ways that you were feeling stuck and paralyzed in your life. Some of you even felt like it was out of line for you to be feeling that way because you had something positive come into your life and yet it was hard to move past the anxiety or it was still hard to feel joy, excitement, or happiness enough to keep moving forward.  And many of you were feeling like nothing was really wrong but that nothing was really right or feeling good either. What stood out to me in your correspondences was that the combination of insights and information along with practical tips and tricks as well as the Mindfulness based practices really helped you find the clarity you needed to first figure out what it was you wanted in your life then to draw upon the resources and practical tools to get those things in place. In fact, several of you shared your favorite Mindfulness activity, which I’m very excited to share:

Maryanne, USA: “Mindfulness has helped me really experience my meals and change my relationship with food. Mindful eating was the missing ingredient in my weight loss efforts over the last 12 years! It has really made a difference in my self esteem and relationship with my body and with food overall.” 

Michael, Australia: “I love the practical ways that movement meditations help me focus on what my body is doing throughout the day. Mindfulness with the body scans and walking meditations have gotten me in more touch with what I’m doing and I value the way I can use the Mindful movement practice to connect with my body after a long, busy day.” 

Diane, Canada: “I have come to understand my breath. When I am just going about my day, there are so many opportunities for me to just pause and see what’s happening with my breath. Once I do, I can notice that I am participating differently in my activities. Just the awareness of breathing without changing it is my favorite – I can do it as many times a day as I want and anywhere!”  

I mentioned a few minutes ago that “Beyond the Couch” podcast will be adding a gratitude component into our Mindful Monday series this season.I wanted to take a moment and share my own gratitude for this incredible community of listeners as well as the community where I practice. Your trust in me has meant a great deal and I have tremendously valued sharing “Beyond the Couch” with you! As I was awarded the “Best Mental Health Service” award in my community last year, I was filled with gratitude at the opportunity to support so many of you in your lives and committed to sharing even more of the best of what lies beyond the couch to fill your life with celebration. This season, I dedicate the celebration to you in your amazing life!

“Beyond the Couch” has also been selected as one of the FIRST podcasts to be featured on Spotify! If you have not yet done so, please feel free to listen and, if you think others may benefit from the same, please feel free to share.

You can listen to the episode, subscribe, share, rate, and review it here! And as always: If you missed any of the episodes, they are always available via iTunes, on my website, and YouTube. Don’t forget to check out the new Spotify podcast platform for our episodes as well!

You can also click RIGHT HERE to listen now!

If you’ve found the “Beyond the Couch” episodes helpful in some way, please be sure to leave a rating and review so that 1.) I know what helps you and 2.) so that others in the same boat can find what they need.

Thank you so much for helping to spread the word through your downloads, subscriptions, ratings, and reviews. It has been incredibly exciting for me to share this with you and I am humbled to continue bringing you valuable information, tips, resources, and experts!

Curious what I can offer you to help build the life you love? Get in touch!

Get access to more valuable content weekly here!

Help for Depressed Teens and Their Families

I recently joined Inside Edition in discussing the devastating impact of a deeply disturbing trend amongst teens. While the horrors of teens struggling with depression and suicidal thoughts has increased, it is important to keep in mind that help and resources are available.

The trajectory of teen suicide has noted an increase in recent years. Among 100,000 youth, 1.3 in the 10-14 year old age group and 8.2 in the 15-19 year old age group die of suicide annually, as noted by the National Institute of Mental Health. In fact, suicide is the third leading cause of death amongst youth aged 15-24 and the sixth among younger youth according to The National Mental Health Association. Each year, suicide takes the lives of 12.9% of youth, noted by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Furthermore, every day, there are 12 youth suicides, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

While these statics paint a difficult and troubling picture, awareness and preparedness can help to support teens who are struggling as well as their families. I describe some ways we can offer resources and help in my conversation with Inside Edition’s Maya Chung. Watch HERE to learn more about ways you can support your teen.

Comment below and let me know your thoughts on how we can better support our teens. Feel free to share your thoughts in our social media community so that we can create a greater sense of awareness and support!

Curious what I can offer you to help build the life you love? Get in touch!

Get access to more valuable content weekly here!

Celebrate Your ‘Social Brain’ with Group Therapy!

Recently, I spent some time talking about GROUPS with Katie K. May of Creative Healing Philly. Katie K. May is a DBT Certified, Licensed Therapist for Teens in Pennsylvania.  She specializes in running groups for teens who experience anxiety, depression and self-harm behaviors, with a passion in helping clients learn to express and cope with overwhelming emotions in healthy ways so that they can move forward in life EMPOWERED and able to create their own path to happiness.

In our discussion, Katie and I explored the ways that our group connections help us to build a life we want to celebrate. In fact, groups have helped people excel in work place dynamics, school related tasks, as well as family functions. Katie shares some top tips for connecting in group therapy, below, and debunks some myths about getting started with groups.

Katie’s Top Tips:

+Our interpersonal relationships are one of the most powerful predictors of both our mental and physical health.  People are happier and healthier, with lower rates of depression and greater overall happiness when they are connected socially.

+Take advantage of the “social brain!”  We are by nature social creatures and are strongly influenced by what happens around us in our world.  Be mindful of whom you surround yourself with and the choices these people are making as you are likely being swayed by their thoughts and behaviors too.

+Practicing gratitude for the people in your lives, how they have impacted you and why they are important to you can help you feel more connected and accepted socially.  Each day reflect on something you appreciate about your loved ones and what you appreciate about this person.  At the end of the week, find some way to connect face-to-face to express this gratitude and notice how your own mood improves as a result.

I would love to hear what thoughts you have about the ways groups can help you celebrate your life! In fact, I frequently hear from “graduates” of my groups that they have gone on to silence their inner critics and surrounded themselves with people who uplift them so that they can overcome anxious, debilitating thoughts and overwhelming depression and isolation. As a result, they’ve begun to reshape the celebratory lives they have been looking to build! Be sure to share with us your hopes and goals for groups in our social media communities listed below so we can celebrate with you!

Facebook: www.facebook.com/drsallynazari

Twitter: www.twitter.com/chrysalisdoc

Curious what I can offer you to help build the life you love? Get in touch!

Get access to more valuable content weekly here!